Are we Alcoholics? (by the B*tch)

So being that I was sitting alone in my little apartment last night, I decided to call up the gay and have a chat.  He too was sitting alone, but he, however, was sitting there in complete darkness polishing off a bottle of wine.  

(Why you ask? Wellllll...he had avoided going out with a friend by saying that he was going to sleep.  This friend, however, is able to see into the Gay's apartment from his own apartment, therefore requiring him to either turn off all the lights or get caught in a lie.  He chose option one.)  

I laughed. He replied, "But at least I'm not drinking alone; Jesus counts as a person."  

If he could do it, I could do it.  I decided to go downstairs to make myself an amaretto sour, and there we both sat in our respective little apartments (only 5min apart) both drinking alone.  At that moment I started to contemplate the state of our alcoholism. 

Where is that fine line that makes someone an alcoholic?

I decided to do some research:

The Mayo Clinic's first symptom: You drink alone or in secret. 

(One check for me, two checks for the Gay.)  

I continued on my quest.

Other symptoms found:

*Finding excuses to drink (CHECK)

*Poor eating habits (CHECK)

*When sober do you regret things done when drinking? (CHECK..if you say not, you are a liar)

*Do you feel depressed or anxious after drinking? (CHECK...yes, i believe we call this a hangover)

*Do you have financial problems due to your drinking? (CHECK.  Drinks in LA are fucking expensive.)

*You develop a tolerance for alcohol. (CHECK...if not, symptom above would be less of a problem.)

At this point I decided to stop because it was getting depressing. Not to mention I don't have enough money to join AA after my alcohol infused trip to Vegas.  I think need a drink. (Is 1:30 too early?)